I need a bit of help with something very trivial...I know it’s perfect timing and all, as everyone is off to see their families/friends, and are probably not wasting time online. All the same:
This week, we watched The Devil Wears Prada, which, putting aside Andrea (the heroine)’s unwarranted sense of entitlement, was super cute. I lusted after the clothes, and the plot was entertaining. It also made me want a thick fringe of bangs, just like Andrea got after she had her inevitable makeover, which included, of course, a haircut (by which I mean, removal of the ratty and obvious wig she wore for the first act). This will happen to me on occasion; I get bored with my hair, and decide I need a radical change. I tried to see what I would look like with bangs by smooshing/folding my hair up on my forehead. I finally got it sort of normal-looking, but sadly, I don’t think thick bangs are for me. I was trying to figure out why, and then I realized. As with most things in life, Tyra Banks has clarified matters. Now, by way of background, each season on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra will find some way to dramatically bring up her tale of woe about her big-ass forehead. And each season, she also finds her moment to go “my forehead is so big…it’s a FIVEhead!” And then she cackles like a ninny. The “models” inevitably follow suit. Of course, it’s hard to hear the gleeful laughter over the sound of Tyra's arm popping out of its socket, as she reaches to pat her own self on the back to congratulate herself on her fantastic joke, but I digress. Anyway, I’ve determined that I have the opposite problem: If I may paraphrase Miss Banks (if you’re nasty), I think I have a twohead. (Now, to truly get the effect of her saying this, imagine me wearing a bustier in the middle of the goddamn day, an aggressively shiny skirt one full size too small, and a poorly blended weave. Oh, and an exaggerated sense of what is intended to be gravitas, but what actually comes across as hilarious melodramatics.)
The bangs are so cute, and I’m bored with my hair. I just fear that bangs might make me look like any number of winsome child actors from the 70’s who eventually turn to drugs and crime, and end up on E! True Hollywood Story; it’s not exactly the look I’m going for.
So, I’m torn. To bang, or not to bang? (Hee!) Suggestions are welcome. (Incidentally, I've just learned that it’s really really awkward to take a picture of yourself. As you can see, I am truly a master photographer.) :