Trying to Manga Expectations

There is one question it is imperative that you ask yourself when picking a name for your blog, and that question is, of course, “Is the name you selected identical to that of an obscure and fictional evil queen who apparently controls something called the Negaverse?”

Yeah, it’s gonna be that kind of post.

Allow me to explain. I’d started working on my “FAQ” responses to the “De-lurking Week” Questions, and a question submitted by the funny and eloquent Heather B. indirectly reminded me of the above issue, which is an ever-growing problem for me. She had asked, “What does Metalia mean? Or is that your name?”

The answer is that Metalia is actually my middle name. Why that is my middle name and what it means is something I’ll get into when I actually post the FAQ. But for now, suffice it to say that I am NOT named after a mythical malevolent monarch. (Yay, alliteration!)

When picking a title for this blog, I initially tried being creative, and devised a number of cringe-worthy prospective titles, which were uniformly awful. I then realized that my middle name was a perfect option; it’s unique, it’s one word, and I could easily remember it. (One would hope.)

So, Metalia it was. A problem has arisen of late, however. It seems that some of you inadvertently came here looking for Queen Metalia, who, I've since learned, is a fictional character from a cartoon named Sailor Moon. Which is fine. The subsequent IMs and emails telling me how you think I should do this thing and that on the show? Yeah, those are a little weird.

Particularly now that I've spent a bit of time researching her (of course). People out there alternate between being really angry about Queen Metalia's bitchery/wanting to bang her. I don’t even want to discuss the fanfic, as it disturbs me to no end. As for now, however, I got completely distracted from writing the FAQ about me, and instead, all I have now is a metric ton of useless information on Queen Metalia. Consequently, I suppose it’s only right that I do a FAQ about her, to educate you all with this vital information that I now possess. (The third question is an actual IM that I received just this evening:)

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Who is Queen Metalia?

She is an evil queen who apparently does mean and manipulative things that are exceedingly boring to me, and anyone else whose life is not spent watching (and writing fake, vaguely pornographic plotlines for) Sailor Moon.

Is she a demon of some sort?

Why, yes! A sun demon, apparently.

[Redacted]: Queen Metalia, where is Beryl? Is she in the cave with you?

I don’t need to tell you where she is! That shit’s classified, yo!

But what of the Moon Kingdom? Is it still intact?

Come on, this one’s just lazy! You know that she brought about its destruction. God.

How would you describe Queen Metalia's kingdom?

Dark... I would call it a Dark Kingdom.

Does Queen Metalia have minions of any sort?

But of course; evil ones!

What’s a manga?

I think it just means "cartoon," but all websites have slightly differing definitions. It sort of sounds like slang for lady business to me.

Hee! Manga is a funny word! Quick, use it in a series of bad puns.

Oh, alright. One could, if so inclined, involve the term in an anime/Christmas crossover song entitled “Away in a Manga.” Or perhaps an anime version of Office Space entitled Middle Manga. I'm here to help.

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The IMs in particular are really getting out of hand. Perhaps it's time to go search for a new domain name..."Dooce" is a funny word; I'm going to go check and see if that one's taken...