Hello!

Hello! So, I'm still alive. You know, in case you were wondering. Every time I sit down to write about the birth story, my hospital stay, and life with a new bebe and a two-year-old, I become a dithering idiot who can't string a sentence together. It's coming soon, I promise.

In the meantime, I just wanted to thank you all so much for your emails and comments. I am incredibly touched by your kind words.

Until I actually get my butt in gear and manage to post something meaningful, here's my favorite picture from the past week, and what will probably be one of my favorite pictures ever:

She's Here!

Born June 20, 2008 at 2:39 pm, 6 lbs. 5 oz. The faux-hawk is all natural. Name and birth story to follow...for now, I'm going to try to figure out what to do with a LITTLE GIRL. SQUEEEE!

It's Genetic

Since I have no pregnancy updates to speak of, and the most noteworthy thing that's happened to me so far today was the uncontrollable fit of snorting giggles that overtook me when I glanced at the name of the nail polish color I'd picked for my pedicure ("Berry Hard"), won't you please take a look at the following pictures of me and my son?

Yep, we're related.

I'm Still Here

I just returned from the doctor, where I was once again informed that I am nowhere near to being in labor. My doctor followed this statement with, “but if you want to deliver your baby with me [and I DO], whatever you do, don’t go into labor this weekend because my kids have hockey and baseball championship games.”

So we all know where this is going, right? Right.

Anyway, I’m just biding my time. I’ve been fairly insufferable lately, due in no small part to the UNGODLY HEAT WAVE that hit New York earlier this week. I’m talking unstoppable rivulets of sweat, which were not helped one bit by a certain toddler who only wants to play outside ALL THE DAMN TIME. (Come on kid! Why do you have to be so playful and energetic and enamored with nature? Don’t you want to sit and watch TV in the nice, cool living room for seventeen straight hours? It’ll be fun, dammit!) I survived the horror of running around (well, waddling around) in the sweltering, 105-degree heat by eating approximately 317 popsicles and wearing stretchy headbands to keep my hair off my face, which, in addition to being incredibly attractive, also made me look twelve. It was a fun few days.

Although the heat wave has thankfully passed, I’m still admittedly cranky and generally unreasonable. I get annoyed when people don’t get up for me on the subway, I openly cried when J told me he didn’t see this (totally trivial) email I’d sent him, and I constantly have to resist the urge to punch in the neck each and every person who jovially asks me, “Oh, you haven’t given birth yet?”

But no one wants to hear a whiny pregnant lady…whine, so despite the fact that I’d love to whine, and tell you about how I gashed my leg with AN ARTICHOKE of all things, my naked jealousy of both Tori Spelling and Jessica Alba (who have both given birth already), or the mystery of my increasingly mullet-like hair, I’m not going to.

(Okay, well I’ll at least SHOW you the mullet hair:)

No, instead I’m going to try to be positive, and cheery, and mention a few little things that I’m loving lately. Perhaps that will help me snap out of my crap-ass mood.

1. OLD NAVY. I’ve long been a proponent of their stuff, but they’ve really been impressing me lately. And I say that despite the fact that a sandal I purchased there broke off my foot in the middle of the street. (They’re giving me a refund.) The standout among my (many) purchases of late is this skirt, which is bound to be a summer staple.

I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s incredibly light, soft, flattering, and CHEAP. I got it in every color. The foldover panel means I can wear it now (which I’ve been doing nonstop) and afterwards. Huzzah!

2. YOU GUYS. Thank you so much for your suggestions for my hospital bag…I thought my list was complete, but there were a few things you mentioned that made me extremely grateful I’d thrown the question of what to pack out there. I’m resisting the urge to post the whole list, but believe me when I tell you that it is one crazily comprehensive document. (Although if any pregnant chicas out there want a copy, email me: metaliablog[AT]gmail[DOT]com.)

3. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE-So many of my fellow bloggers are to thank (or blame?) for introducing me to this show. I’m totally addicted, and have a few early favorites already (Twitch, Chelsea), as well as one hell of a girlcrush (hello, Kherington).

4. THE PILLARS OF THE EARTH- Yes, this book is massive, but it will also suck you in. J and I are sort of reading it at the same time, and keep stealing it from each other and feigning ignorance as to its whereabouts. Or maybe that's just me.

5. NEW LIP GLOSS- I know! So totally out of character that a lip gloss of all things would be rocking my world! How unexpected!

Anyway.

Bearca had recommended Nars lip gloss in Supervixen to me a while back. The name alone is awesome, and totally sounds like something I imagine Wonder Woman would wear. (Apropos of which, please remind me at some point in the future to post a picture of me, age 3, wearing my complete Wonder Woman getup.) The best way I can describe the shade is a conglomeration of pinky/mauvey shimmery golden taupeishness. And yes, I am totally considering a side career in lip gloss description writing. Supervixen looks sort of muddy in the tube, but once you put it on? OHMAHGAHHHH. SO very pretty, and a perfect neutral summer shade.

Here’s the color swatch from Sephora, which describes it as a “shimmering nude beige.”

Whatever, Sephora. I like my explanation better.

Let’s keep the positive mood going, people! What little things are rocking your world lately? Do tell.

An Update on my Progress, or Lack Thereof

No, I did not have the baby yet.

And to be quite honest? I’m shocked. Since T came relatively early (a day into my 37^th week), I just sort of asumed that my second baby would be on the early side, too. And yet here I sit, almost 38 weeks pregnant, as people shower me with such helpful and unsolicited comments as “Wow! That kid hasn’t dropped yet!” or “You seem like you still have plenty of time!” and my personal favorite (courtesy of my doctor) “You’re not truly ‘progressing’ yet…I think we have another few weeks here.” Thanks a lot, MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Who asked you?

This surprising turn of events has caused me to evolve from Typical Over-Prepared Pregnant Lady into…well, basically, Sean Penn’s character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. (By which I mean that I’ve become completely laid-back and relaxed about everything, and NOT that I’ve turned to surfing and smoking copious amounts of weed.) I feel like I have all the time in the world before this baby comes, so much so that I haven’t even packed a bag for the hospital yet. Here is a list of super-important things I’ve been doing instead of packing a hospital bag:

1. Working on my follow-up “Ask A Jew!” post.
2. Taking pictures of my pregnant self.
3. Demonstrating a complete lack of willpower to save my Us Weekly and OK! magazines for the weekend--as is my usual habit--and consequently now spending far too much time wondering whether Joe Simpson really WILL drive Tony Romo away from Jessica and if Charlie Sheen’s marriage will last.
4. Organizing my hat collection.
5. Yes, really.
6. Frantically finishing up whatever I can at work.
7. Making soup. (I recently purchased an immersion blender, and have been making all these new pureed soup recipes I never tried before for the sole purpose of testing it out.)
8. Catching up on Top Chef.
9. Apropos of item 6, working through my disturbing crush on Tom Colicchio. And trying to restrain myself from shouting “suck it, ho!” every time cheftestant Lisa appears on the screen. (WHY? WHY IS SHE STILL ON THE SHOW? AND WHY DOES SHE NEVER SEEM TO WASH HER HAIR? I NEED ANSWERS!)
10. Assigning myself the challenge of writing T’s birth story in 100 words or less. What’s that? You say it can’t be done? OH, REALLY:

Me: Ow. Ow. Must go to doctor.

Doctor: You're not in labor. See you next week!

J: Can I go to the Mets game?

M: Why not? The doctor says I’m not in labor.

J: Thanks! Love you! [leaves.]

M: Oh, shit. OWWWWWW. [Repeat every five minutes until I decide to call doctor.] Hi. I know I just saw you, but I’m having regular contractions.

Dr.: Meet me at the hospital; we’ll check you out.

Me: [Calls J.] Get your ass home now!

Dr: Wow. You’re 4 centimeters dilated. You’re having this baby tonight.

J&Me: WTF?!?

[A blur or pitocin, epidural and pushing ensues.]

Toopweets: Lo! I am born!

~The end~

(TOLD YOU I could do it.)

Anyway, all of this begets a few questions for you guys:

Any ideas on what to pack for the hospital? Yes, I know I’ve done the whole childbirth thing once before, but I’m going to be very honest with you: I DIDN’T HAVE A HOSPITAL BAG THE FIRST TIME AROUND. (See above, re: very sudden and surprising birth of child.) We had grabbed the camera, just in case, and I’d shoved some random crap into my bag as we were leaving, but we were totally caught off-guard. I honestly thought they were going to check me out and send me back home. I had no idea I was having the baby THAT NIGHT, especially considering my ObGyn had told me not five hours before that I was nowhere near being in labor. J went back home afterwards and packed up some stuff for me, so it all worked out, but still.

Anyway, here we are, two years later, and I suppose I should display just a modicum of preparedness this time around. Also, perhaps your suggestions will compel me to get off my ass and actually...PACK. I made a list of pretty much everything I can think of that I might need, but (a) I could totally have forgotten something, and (b) is there anything random that you (or a friend…or a loved one) found particularly useful and/or couldn’t live without?

My second question is for those of you out there with kids. Plural. When you were having your second (or third…or fourth) kid, how close to your due date did you give birth? I know this has no bearing on me, but just humor the curious pregnant lady here.

And since I don't want to leave anyone out...I'm taking bets on when this kid will actually arrive. I'm due 6/23. Place your bets!

Two

T turns two today. I looked back at what I wrote and put together for his first birthday last year, and I don't think I can top that right now (nor do I believe that that was A WHOLE YEAR AGO already, but that's neither here nor there).

In any event, here's a slideshow of my favorite pictures from his second year.

Happy birthday, sweet baby.

Two Years Old from metalia on Vimeo.