Yvonne is, quite frankly, one of my very favorite people that I've met since I began blogging. We became fast friends a few years ago, after we bonded over the term "mongerie," a made-up word I ascribed to the lacy garb favored by Precious the Monkey on the soap opera, Passions. And while that may very well be the most nonsensical sentence I've ever typed, the point is this: I love Y (and can't wait to see her in just a few weeks).
We were recently IM'ing and in so doing, took a trip down memory lane, with a detour at "OMFG MY PARENTS ARE PUNISHING ME, WHYYYYY GOD?" Road. Join us, why don't you? We can't be the only ones who did stuff like this:
Yvonne: haha!!! we're chatting AND texting; it's like we're 15!
me: MOM STOP PICKING UP THE PHONE
Yvonne: HHAHAHHAHA. Do you know how many times I got busted from my mom picking up the phone and finding out stuff?
me: ME TOO!
Yvonne: that's how I got busted for smoking at a neighbor's house.
Yvonne: because I was telling my friend “when I go to Diane's we... you know... starts with an ‘s’.” And my mom was on the phone and I got BUUUSSTED.
me: *click * I HEAR YOU, MOM!!
Yvonne: I heard her hang up right after I said "not have SEX. SMOKE." And I felt like I couldn't breathe. Because I KNEW.
me: oh, lordy. that's the worst
me: the moment b/w being found out and KNOWING you're gonna be punished. torture!
Yvonne: yes! I would turn white and sweat.
me: also: some nervous farting (just me?)
Yvonne: ahahdsah no, not just you
Yvonne: also trying to act REALLY SWEET AND NICE when you finally see your parents. Like "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I loooooooooooove youuuuuu."
me: "want me to cook dinnerrrrr?”
Yvonne: just kind of feeling them out, thinking maybe you won't be in trouble after all. "can I clean the house for you?"
me: haha. YES EXACTLY
Yvonne: "because I LOVE YOU"
me: "do you need a back rub? peeled grapes? someone to fan you with palm fronds?"
Yvonne: hahahahha. you totally know. And sometimes they'd let you go all day
me: oh, yes, for sure.
Yvonne: and you thought you had gotten away with it
me: the TORTURE
me: I am cracking up remembering. and then I'd flounce off to my room and write in my journal. and possibly do a little poetry
Yvonne: hahahah. yes!!!
me: my poetry was the WORST EVER
Yvonne: I'd get on my knees and promise Jesus to NEVER DO IT AGAIN
me: oh! also! That reminds me…I forgot. I'd pray that they wouldn't punish me; if they were pulling that "dragging out the suspense" shit.
me: "I'm sorry, God. Please don't let them punish me for hanging out with The Boys Who Smoke. I'll remember to say my blessings before meals."
Yvonne: I would totally do that!!
me: pray? or SAY you'd pray? oh god: also, I'd say things like this. I SWEAR: "Mom and Dad? I am like a RUBBER BAND. The harder you pull me in one direction, the harder I will FLY BACK THE OTHER WAY" (I swear, I said that)
Yvonne: ahhahahahlhaslkahahaha THAT'S THE BEST ONE EVER
me: like, who was I? A Real World character?
Yvonne: I was too scared of burning in hell, or, the "Rod" to say stuff like that. but oh my god, I can't stop laughing
me: A RUBBER BAND.