1. My hair is now red(dish)! And not at all Annie-like! And I have no idea why I was so scared -- FOR YEARS -- to color my hair. I foresee this being the beginning of a lifelong undertaking.
2. My children had been sick, sick, sick. Snotfest: The Snottening IV-type shit. They were really sneaky about it, too; like, I'd be all dressed for work, and I'd wipe their wee noses, immediately give them hugs goodbye, and it wouldn't be until I'd be stepping into a meeting later that morning that I realized my shoulders looked as if Slimer from Ghostbusters has been gently nuzzling me. Professional! The worst part was Lo getting a double ear infection and Mystery Virus/Flu of Doom, which involved a temperature of 105.5 (One! Hundred! And! Five! Point! Five!) while we freaked out. Verily. Happily, she made a quick recovery, and the snotfest left our house. Huzzah!
3. I made a (superquick) trip to Atlanta to visit Ali and finally meet her fabled kids. I quickly won them over with my superior bubble letter skills and some candy; Nerds, specifically, should you, personally, be looking to bribe the Martell children for their love using sugary treats. Slynnro and Kristin also came to town a bit later, and we spent an all-too-brief day together, spotting uncanny Snooki lookalikes, hanging out, and generally being thrilled to see each other, even if it was for such a short time.
Oh, and also? Surviving the craaaaaazy blizzard that struck Atlanta. Did I say "blizzard"? My bad, I meant QUARTER-INCH OF SNOW. I just...well, from the freaked-out way Atlanta acted, you'd forgive me for assuming a blizzard had hit. The highlight, for me, was attempting to take a cab back to the hotel from Ali's place, only to find that the cab wouldn't, uh, start. I'm unclear as to why he turned the car off in the first place, but regardless, there I was, stuck in a stalled taxi at the bottom of a quiet street in suburban Atlanta with a cab driver cursing and weeping in Russian. ("Why this happen to me? In middle of fockink blizzard?!")
A stalled taxi, whose engine, might I add, the driver WAS NOT HELPING by repeatedly trying to turn over without giving it a rest, thus flooding the engine, thus filling the quiet street in suburban Atlanta with a sound akin to that of a cat being tortured. (And OH BELIEVE YOU ME, I am familiar with The Stalling Issue, having spent my formative driving years at the wheel of a dilapidated, battleship-sized blue station wagon that was almost as old as I was. Its name was Old Blue. Unoriginal, yes, but fitting.)
Miraculously, the engine finally started ("I will walk home! I live two miles away, and it is BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, peaceful like baby!" he had told me.), and off we went, into the snow, with both front windows opened. And really, I was just so grateful to be en route that I suffered in (shivery) silence as we fishtailed our way down the road.
4. I arrived home after the trip to discover a toilet in our bedroom.
And not some symbolic, metaphorically overwrought toilet, if that's what you were thinking:
Yes, that is cement next to it, and no, I am not outing myself or J as a hoarder. Rather, we are currently undergoing some renovations to our bathrooms, and HAHAHAHA as it turns out, in an apartment? With no real extra space? And two little kids running around? The only good/safe place for a toilet? Is in our bedroom. HAHAHHAAAAA OH I WEEP. The only way I'm dealing with this, naturally, is by calling it Sir Terlet. I figured if the thing has a fancy nickname (and possibly a top hat? And monocle?), it cannot drive me mad. Because, hey, there it is! A toilet! Next to the bed!
Oh, lord.
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15 comments:
Just FYI, Sir Terlet isn't going to have a face according to Mr. A. And his name may have been changed. Trust me, you'll like it.
I still cannot believe your ridiculous luck with taxis. seriously. You could write a book. I miss you already. come back!!!
I am so glad you made it back safely in the taxi. We were so worried about you and the crazy Russian!
I saw a Golden Girls episode recently where Rose and Dorothy were remodeling the bathroom themselves and the plumber dropped off the toilet in the living room and the ladies couldn't move it. And Sophia was SO excited to finally not have to get up to go to the bathroom when she was watching TV.
So good to see you!
I am really glad that California isn't the only state that has people that LOSE THEIR SHIT at the idea of a quarter inch of snow, because if it as much as drizzles here, we're on STORM WATCH '09.
Also, Sir Terlet, love it.
I love that we both had great! bloggy meet-ups this past week/weekend. I only wish we could have combined the two of them because oh, the EPIC that would have ensued. Also: skee ball, which is ridiculously more fun than I ever remembered it being.
Yes, snow anywhere in the south generally causes huge panic. I live in Arkansas. We were supposed to get TWO WHOLE INCHES of snow and the grocery stores all ran out of toilet paper and milk. And then we got...zip.
People in Texas were Freaking! Out! over an inch of snow. Now that I live in Chicago, I hear this and just laugh and laugh.
My husband's relatives in Mississippi call it a tOYlit. (emphaisis on the OY and the IT). Cracks me up every time. Maybe if it was a southern tOYlit it would at least cook you up some good comfort food and make you feel right at home? I'm just saying...as much as I love our friends across the pond, I'd much prefer a southern toilet in my boudoir then a british one. And p.s.: why would the RUSSIAN taxi driver not know how to drive in the snow? Don't they get BUCKETS of snow in Russia? LOL!
I laughed no fewer than 7 times OUT LOUD during this post.
I hope you have more than 1 bathroom. Sir Terlet might decide to retire. I'm sure your room is much cozier.
You should see how people react to rain in Arizona. Talk bout freak out. Traffic practically comes to a stand still.
I second Kerri in how EPIC it would have been if we could have merged meet-ups.
Also. I kind of love that you have a toilet in your bathroom. It's kind of awesome.
OMFG. Each paragraph finer than the one before it. Also? A toilet next to the bed would only happen to a woman who can make it as funny as you do.
Also #2? My word verification word is "peniess." Someone is clearly messing with me.
If you think about it, a toilet next to the bed could be one of the greatest ideas since Reese's Peanut Butter Cups or slap bracelets.
I, too, know all about The Stalling Issue. Except my experience was with an '88 Ford Tempo, but some ass stole the "T" off of "Tempo" therefore, it was just "The Empo". People at school were so jealous. Especially when I had to through it into neutral at stop lights and rub it up so itn't cut out in the middle of the intersection.
Oh, please tell me you ate at Rathbun's or Sotto Sotto while you were in Atlanta!
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