I always giggle when people throw around the phrase "a lot of balls in the air," because: hilarity, but you know what? It's not so funny when it's you with the balls. Or...something. At the risk of jinxing the seventy trillion things going on right now, we are currently amidst Giant! Question! Marks! (the good kind, I suppose) in connection with...uh...hmm. Most of you don't speak Hebrew, right? Well, let's try Pig Latin! The ale-say of our apartment-hay, and also ob-jay uff-stay, and an upcoming acation-vay. And then there's the planning of the kids' upcoming birthday parties, life in general, and finding a three-bedroom apartment to rent in this town, which is proving to be quite the challenge, AND OH MY GOD OUR CAR, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE IN OUR CAR.
As you may have guessed from my slight outburst, we have been spending a lot of time over the past few weeks engaged in a maddening and endless round of The Apartment Search Cycle. Given the generally frequent turnover of rental apartments coupled with the crazypants NY real estate market (we want to stay right where we are now, only get a bigger place), every few days, J and I go through this:
It is pretty much unchanging, except for the level of inebriation of the realtor dudes we end up talking to from Craigslist. One of whom, by the way, attempted to give me directions to a place like so:
Me: Hello?
Craiglist guy: YO.
Me: ….
CG: I’m calling you back.
Me: Thanks, I was interested in the three bedroom on [street].
CG: Yeah, that’s a beautiful place. Right next to the pizza store.
Me: There’s no pizza store there.
CG: Yes there is! Right by the train.
Me: Train?
CG: I’ve been a realtor for quite some time.
Me: Um. Can you give me the actual address? So I can figure out where it is?
CG: Okay, let me tell you what: I’ll tell you how I get there when I get off the train.
Me: O…kay?
CG: So, I take the train up to...well...which way are you facing?
Me: RIGHT NOW??
Him: I can tell you're not serious about this place.
Me: That’s…I...wha?!
And yesterday was a truly special day, as I got to look at a promising apartment in a gorgeous building. "The tenants moved suddenly!" crowed the broker, so I off I ran. Now, I've moved into and out of a lot of places in my day, and most apartments have a "broom clean" clause in the lease, indicating that the place has to be swept up and damage-free in order to ensure that you get your security deposit back. We walked into the apartment together, and immediately, I was struck by two things: "This place smells like a wet cat and old diapers" was one. Two was TINY FALLING GLASS SHARDS, actually striking me, due to the lightbulb/fixture sort of fizzling and popping as the broker attempted to switch it on.
As it turned out, the apartment was actually strewn with dirty diapers, which is both awesome and considerate and not at all simultaneously inducing both rage and barf. As for the wet cat smell, the prior renters had also thoughtfully left a cat bed there, propped up next to an empty Belvedere bottle. ART, you guys.
Sadly, this place (after some painting and heavy-duty cleaning) is literally our best prospect right now. (Besides our car, I mean.) Tell me it's going to be okay. TELL ME IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. *dry heaves in terror*
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20 comments:
http://www.padmapper.com/ is awesome for looking for a place. Good luck with the search and you know, not living in your car.
I know that pain of looking for a place to live. Thanks to the Navy, we do it every couple of years! In a town we are not familiar with at all! it's super fun. This time when we moved into our current house, we arrived on Moving Day to find...the doors locked, no keys in the mailbox as promised, and a bunch of the previous tenants' stuff STILL IN THE HOUSE. Along with their cat. It all ended up working out okay, but it was the weirdest move-in we've had in 14 years of moving around.
Anyway. I wish you every bit of luck you can hold in finding a fantastic new place! And once you've found it all the headaches will be worth it.
Eh...the diaper and wet cat smells go away. Your children's tales to their future therapists about living in a car? Not so much.
Every year I move, and every year I swear I am not going through that much crazybusiness anymore. I can't even imagine how exasperating it must be in an area with high demand.
IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. I just did this, and felt the same way. I thought we were going to have to live in a hotel. It was AWFUL. I HATE LOOKING FOR HOUSING.
It is going to be okay.
It's going to be ok!
Although I left NYC to move in with the rents after I graduated because I am poor/unemployed/I am not qualified to do anythingggggg/sob.
But seriously. It'll be fine. What part of town are you looking for? I'm househunting with a few friends in NYC. Nottttt fun.
It's going to be ok! I hate apartment searching. Probably why I'm in a rent controlled 2 bedroom with 2 kids. I'm dry heaving along with you. It WILL all work out.
ME TOO ME TOO. Or, trying to find a place in DC, for one person and a cat, so less difficult than your situation. BUT STILL. Craigslist! The place where scams go to torture you with promise for a fleeting moment before revealing themselves as mean old scams!
....ok so maybe that wasn't so much a reassurance as a co-hyperventilation...
dude, industrial cleaning services are da bomb (can I still say that in 2010?). the light fixture can be totally fixed. be a visionary. can you see this apartment clean? does it look like home? does it have potential? working with realtors in NY sucks! but words of mouth sometimes works in your favor...check with friends in buildings you dig. they may know something. May the force be with you!
It's all going to be okay. I mean, you have four seats in your car, right? That's four perfect sized beds!
You will be just fine! If that apartment is your best bet then hire some professional cleaners to do a deep clean on that place and start picking out paint samples. Also, maybe you can put an ad on Craigslist for what you're looking for? I don't know anything about NYC but I did that in Austin and someone who wanted to sublet a GREAT apartment found ME. It was awesome. Good luck!
I looked at like 70 HOUSES before I bought mine. I cannot imagine having to go through what you NYers do. Seriously, who needs the flipping extra stress???? Maybe HGTV has a show you could write to, who would find you 3 properties to look at? And then, you'd be on TV!!!!
Can I just say how much your life is like that SATC episode where Aidan and Carrie break up and Carrie has to find a new apartment because she can't afford to buy her old place? Where is your Charlotte, I say?
Oh wow...there is nothing worse than the cat smell. Ugh!
It will be ok...
I would be panicing too though, so I totally get that.
Hope you find something soon!
Best,
Tina
Yes! It will all be OK! Because you can make someone CLEAN that place and fix it all up and then VIOLA! (misspelled on purpose) you have a new place that you like!
Maybe you can get one of those vampires from Vampire Diaries to come erase your memory about the fact that it ever smelled like that in the first place.
Good luck!
So this may be a somewhat weird suggestion since I've never actually commented before, but if you're willing to live waaaay up on the UWS (101st b/w Bway & Amsterdam), the apt we found up here last year was far and away the nicest/cheapest place we found after looking at LOTS of hideous and absurdly overpriced 3BRs a little farther south. Good luck!
They make looking for a place really super hard and annoying so that the first night your furniture is in, you feel so amazing.
You'll get there soon. Good luck.
Oh, and reading about cats and diapers caused a serious dry heave. ew.
I am going through the same thing right now in the same damn city. The craigslist brokers are insane and I HATE it. Anyway, while industrial cleaning services can do amazing things, they will NEVER be able to get rid of wet cat smell/cat urine. NEVER! I speak from experience...just when you think it's gone - the heat comes up a blasting and WHAM...cat piss.
As a fellow NYC dweller, I feel your pain. I remember when my husband and I went apartment shopping one time, we entered a place in which the whole family was sleeping. A man answered the door who had clearly just gotten out of bed himself. "Go on in, it's ok," he said, pointing to the bedroom. "My mom and sister are just sleeping." Sure enough, they were. Crammed into the same bed, snuggled under the blankets. And we were expected to walk past their bedhead and morning breath to check the place out. Unbelievable!
oh lordy. can i admit something? i actually LIKED looking for our place. i scoured craigslist like mad and then when a friend needed to move, i became her pro bono craigslist scourer and found her a fabulous place. but the people you meet on craigslist are nuts. i saw one place that was RIHGT next to the train and the guy said, oh you can't hear it. and then a train went by and it made the building shake. um, thanks but no thanks?
good luck lady!
Two words...Westchester. Ok, that's one, but I promise if you don't find something you love on the first visit you can live in my basement. Don't worry it's finished, and no diapers. Let me know what train you're on. I'll pick you up!
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